Bruce the Wolf

Bruce the Wolf

Late Sunday night, on October 23, Bruce the Wolf, a 46 year-old red wolf, passed away outside the home of Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother, Mrs. Mastema.  He died after enjoying one of his favorite past times, devouring the weak members of a close family.  Sadly, a hunter had noticed that something was wrong in Mrs. Mastema’s home and found Bruce there with her and Red Riding Hood in his belly.  As the wolf was sleeping, the hunter cut him open, released the two women, and filled Bruce’s stomach with rocks, killing Bruce as he later left for home.  On top of hunting the human species, Bruce enjoyed playing cards, chasing his tail, and going for long walks.  Bruce is survived by his loving wife, Claire, and his three young children, Adam, Christian, and Anne.  Those that constantly avoided his attacks will miss his vicious need for human flesh.  His funeral will take place Wednesday at noon, at the edge of the forest where his family lives.  In lieu of meat, please honor Bruce with donations to his favorite charity, Meat for Pups, an organization that teaches young wolf pups get meat for themselves and their families.  Mrs. Mastema, Red Riding Hood, and the hunter are hereby told to be careful, for the whole wolf population will be searching for them. 

In Loving Memory:  Bruce the Wolf (1965-2011)